So one of the highlights of the night went down something like this:
“How old are you?”
Me: “I am 23 now!”
“You’re so cute!! Well, handsome..I think you’re handsome.”
Not knowing what to do, I gave my best poker face to her (mostly her husband), trying to give him the “am I allowed to take this compliment?” look, asking for his approval.
I wasn’t sure if my excitement was pretty obvious, but quite frankly I didn’t care. I was ecstatic from the honorary compliment.
The woman that gave me the compliment was none other than the wife of a good friend of mine, who so happened to be a former Miss USA supermodel.
Being that it was the evening of my birthday, it pretty much made my year.
After seeing Captain America: Civil War and telling my sister what had happened earlier, she rolled her eyes and remarked “you know how Spiderman was star-stuck with fighting with all the superheros in the film? That’s totally you with your group of friends.”
The reality was, I couldn’t contain my excitement having everyone get together. My sister was mostly amazed to see how much diversity (mostly in personalities) was present in the group, but before she asked me why, I beat her to it.
“Each and every single person I personally invited here had a huge influence in my life. Whether big or small, they all motivated me to move forward in some way, shape, or form.”
The next day, my friend Preston took me out for dinner at the Grove. Being a fashion model, he decided to go browsing through Nordstrom. I obviously didn’t mind since he and I connected with our similar taste in men’s fashion.
Until out of the blue, this girl catches my eye.
She was drop dead gorgeous.
Not knowing what to do, I started debating whether or not to go pursue her.
To my surprise, I caught myself saying, “Preston, I’m going for it. I’ll be right back.”
It was perfect timing because I caught her completely alone, browsing through clothes. I felt so nervous, but I was doing everything in my power not to wimp out.
Long story short, we talked a bit and things went south immediately. I felt so horrible and disappointed, and mentally kept kicking myself in the head, trying to think of every single thing I could’ve done differently.
But then I started thinking of what made me want to overcome my fear of not taking action in the first place.
I was a man who went after what he wanted. That should be enough right?
Yes, but that wasn’t what fueled me to go for it from the get-go.
I felt off. Something was missing. A question I was trying to articulate but couldn’t figure out how to put into words. Knowing me, I usually don’t like leaving questions unanswered.
Then it came to me.
I thought about the compliment I received from my friend’s wife the night before.
Why did I make such a huge deal out of her “little” compliment?
Did her comment have more weight and validity simply because she’s a former supermodel?
Did it have to with the dry spell of hearing a woman (other than a relative) say “you’re handsome”?
Was it a confidence booster? I thought it definitely was!
Was it dealing with the drought with women? And not having dated a girl (since my 1st breakup) and being reassured that I still am worthy enough to find my gorgeous future wife one day?
I was busy trying to identify why I was trying to process a compliment, until I was reminded of a quote that I saw on social media that spoke volumes within my heart:
“Affirmation from others should not be your source for identity. What people say should be a reflection of what God has already said to you.”
Those words meant differently to me this time around. I felt comfort that the God of the universe would think of me so highly.
I found it tragic that I took my eye off the ball but at the same time, I’m glad I took notice of the indicator telling me to take notice on how highly God, the Creator and ultimate Engineer of our expanding universe, thinks of me.
Ultimately, people come and go. They’re here today and gone tomorrow (in this lifetime). But for now, that’s the harsh reality. But the beauty of it is that our affirmation should be and always should be what God thinks about us every single day. I fell guilty that I sometimes do this, but I want to change this.
Because true confidence comes from what God thinks about you.
This is what propelled me to approach the girl in the store!
But her two words still echoed within me! I couldn’t put into words what that reason was at the moment.
Why did her words have such weight that evening?
Because I got to taste the excitement of how much more it’ll mean coming from the girl of my dreams, the woman I have yet to meet in the near future.
I made it such a big deal because I envision myself having the same lifestyle in the near future.
This is why her words had such a profound meaning.
This is why I look up my friend, and the relationship he has with his wife. I admire it because it’s a rare relationship to have these days.
I see him as a huge role model in my life because I can see myself acquiring the girl of my dreams in the near future, and learning what I can from him right now to prepare myself to become the right man to attract the right woman into my life.
So in some sense, I could relate why my dear friend and his wife (and other men out there) have such a fiery, lasting passion in their relationship.
I crave of having that and learning what I can do right now to prepare myself for that.
I have no doubt that I’ll brag about my future wife 24/7, showing her off to the world and coming up with a multitude of reasons of how proud of her I am, let alone call her mine for the rest of my life.
That to me is one of God’s best gifts for a man, like when Eve came into Adam’s life.
It’s a little frustrating to have that now, at 23 years of age when I still have a lot of mileage in me to live life.
I have trouble understanding why I have that passion, at 23.
I have trouble understanding what to do with it.
Why now? Why do I have this within me right now? At this moment in time?
See in a nutshell, I’m just a nerdy college student who’s finishing up his degree in Mechanical Engineering. But deep down inside, I’m driven by curiosity to answer life’s tough questions, especially when it comes to relationships.
It’s been a little tough to pray over these questions; to receive revelation as to why I am the way I am towards relationships, since I have yet to get an answer through my drought with dating.
But as of now, I am learning and have been honored to finally get to know and meet the right people to figure it out.
I am honored to be able to know the men that I know so I could learn by watching from their example.
The main lesson to be learned is, you are never alone. Even though I may not have the answers that I want when I want them, I have control to accept God’s truth into my life.
When I woke up the morning of May 6th, 2016, I had an immediate “Flashback Friday” when I was suddenly transported to the exact morning of May 6th, 2015.
I remember exactly how I woke up that day.
Post breakup, and in the middle of studying for my finals, I woke up with a heavy, broken heart juggling how to process my grandma’s death sentence with her battle with cancer, having my sister’s marriage hanging on a thread, anxiety from performing well in college, and experiencing a heartbreak.
I felt unloved.
Loneliness was an understatement.
I had no friends.
At the time, I was trying to convince myself that everything was a nightmare and I was going to wake up at any moment.
But a voice echoed in my head and told me “I brought you out of it, and I gave you exactly what you prayed for. Rest assured this isn’t the first and definitely not the last.”
I woke up thanking God for every single trial and victory since the morning I woke up last year, and my heart felt completely restored that morning that I felt God hugging my heart ever so tightly. Not literally, but from those around me that I have gotten to know in such a short time span. I felt the love of God through those around me.
Why am I saying this?
Because the reality is this:
That truth is that I am made in His image.
This is why I am accepted.
This is why I’m handsome.
This is why I’m rare.
This is why I have favor from those I’ve gotten to know, because I had to make a choice to accept the truths that have taken time to scar into my heart from the darkness that I went through a year ago.
I am never alone.
This is why I am blessed.
It’s amazing how God can change the tide of the entire battle to your favor, when you put your identity in who God is and what He’s said about you, before you were even born.
I can have a supermodel telling me I’m handsome, while a girl I may approach the next day may not even feel that way.
But God’s view of who I am will NEVER change.
That’s where true confidence kicks in.
This is what propels me forward to keep trying, and the God I know would forbid that I give up on myself, after sending His only Son to die on the cross for me.
Because you are worth dying for in His eyes.
None of the disappointments in life can touch you when you see yourself the way God’s sees you.
And that my friend, is Godfidence.